RESPECT PRINCIPLE
The most common excuses people give for their marriage dissolving are lack of commitment, too much dispute, unfaithfulness, marrying too young, unreasonable expectations, lack of fairness in the relationship, lack of preparation for marriage, and abuse.
Guilt-ridden parents feel responsible about their family breaking apart which exhibits itself in their unmanageable need to please the emotionally hurt children. Aware of the emotional toll of divorce, guilt-ridden parents vie for favoritism by fulfilling a child’s every impulse. They, at the same time become a toy store, ATM and doormat. Guilt-ridden parents throw discipline out, steer clear of compliance of household rules, and spoil their kids with an accumulation of material items. Even worse, they completely resign the role of disciplinarian, allowing the new spouse to take on the terrible role of “Enforcer”. When conflict is too strong, parents will divert and shift it onto their spouse. This is where problems can begin. In place of being appreciated for stepping up, the enforcer is rejected. Disliked by the children, resented by their mate, and despised by the ex-spouse on both sides, it’s a no win situation all around. This rigid state of affairs often causes a once-hopeful family to start falling apart. The irritation of the environment boils over, the stepparent's instinct to survive comes in to play.
Our spouse should be most important and put first. If we put children before our spouse, we are setting them up for potential failure later in life. Children need to be brought up in an environment where they know that the marriage is the most important thing to the family. Anything else causes children to become selfish and later in life probably not able to maintain a very good relationship. Parents should always be on the side of a good spouse. Always agree in front of the children. Speak later privately regarding matters on which you disagree. Demonstrate to the children that he/she is causing arguments and disagreements can only have them try it more often. If our spouse puts their children or the collective children before their mate, why marry them in the first place? It's never easy to cope with a mate's children. However, clashing too much can rock the boat until it turns over. We don't want our children to cause a divorce. Looking at the tension objectively will help. Knocking heads can only work against us. However, ignoring the problems doesn't work either. To do nothing will kill our self-esteem. We'll end up expressing this anger in some form, usually on our spouse. A healthy distance is best minus a warm relationship with stepchildren unless you have raised them. Expect to be criticized and watched like a hawk by stepchildren. They have their interest to protect it's not personal. And the more we don't speak about these things, the more difficult it becomes and the worse it gets. Left ignored, disenchantment turns into disdain over time and then matrimonial death. Life should be an experiment with joy. Divorce is the last thing a couple does together when they no longer wish to do anything together. Not realizing until it's too late is that the bond that supposed to last until death do us part turns out to be the weakest link. It's like an amputation, we survive it but there's less of us.
Guilt-ridden parents feel responsible about their family breaking apart which exhibits itself in their unmanageable need to please the emotionally hurt children. Aware of the emotional toll of divorce, guilt-ridden parents vie for favoritism by fulfilling a child’s every impulse. They, at the same time become a toy store, ATM and doormat. Guilt-ridden parents throw discipline out, steer clear of compliance of household rules, and spoil their kids with an accumulation of material items. Even worse, they completely resign the role of disciplinarian, allowing the new spouse to take on the terrible role of “Enforcer”. When conflict is too strong, parents will divert and shift it onto their spouse. This is where problems can begin. In place of being appreciated for stepping up, the enforcer is rejected. Disliked by the children, resented by their mate, and despised by the ex-spouse on both sides, it’s a no win situation all around. This rigid state of affairs often causes a once-hopeful family to start falling apart. The irritation of the environment boils over, the stepparent's instinct to survive comes in to play.
Our spouse should be most important and put first. If we put children before our spouse, we are setting them up for potential failure later in life. Children need to be brought up in an environment where they know that the marriage is the most important thing to the family. Anything else causes children to become selfish and later in life probably not able to maintain a very good relationship. Parents should always be on the side of a good spouse. Always agree in front of the children. Speak later privately regarding matters on which you disagree. Demonstrate to the children that he/she is causing arguments and disagreements can only have them try it more often. If our spouse puts their children or the collective children before their mate, why marry them in the first place? It's never easy to cope with a mate's children. However, clashing too much can rock the boat until it turns over. We don't want our children to cause a divorce. Looking at the tension objectively will help. Knocking heads can only work against us. However, ignoring the problems doesn't work either. To do nothing will kill our self-esteem. We'll end up expressing this anger in some form, usually on our spouse. A healthy distance is best minus a warm relationship with stepchildren unless you have raised them. Expect to be criticized and watched like a hawk by stepchildren. They have their interest to protect it's not personal. And the more we don't speak about these things, the more difficult it becomes and the worse it gets. Left ignored, disenchantment turns into disdain over time and then matrimonial death. Life should be an experiment with joy. Divorce is the last thing a couple does together when they no longer wish to do anything together. Not realizing until it's too late is that the bond that supposed to last until death do us part turns out to be the weakest link. It's like an amputation, we survive it but there's less of us.
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